LET'S TRY OUT A SIMPLE MUSHROOM RECIPE

THE 30-MINUTE GOURMET

News Paper – Bangalore Times, TOI

Published on - August 6, 1999

 Author - RAJ MADNANI

Mushrooms, glorious mushrooms. I've always wondered why we in India spice our foods so much. There are very few recipes or food items that are eaten for their own intrinsic taste. By and large we cover it, deep fry it, batter it, smother it, tandoor it, marinate it, blast it, all in spices.

That's why I love Indian food. Western foods are boiled, grilled, broiled, buttered, steamed, fried and baked - variations of bland to many an Indian palate. And I love western food too. It's like the Charlie Chaplin song: joota Japaani, lal topi Roussi, patloon Hindustaani.

I have a simple mushroom recipe today, because many women approach me that their husbands refuse to cook, and look for tips on getting their husbands to cook. One woman went too far, one day. She stopped me outside my cafe with: I tried to get him to cook for more than 10 years, then he left me for another. Some take me for a movie star, but nobody has taken me to be a marriage counsellor, never.

Afraid of an outburst of tears that may Invite all passing auto drivers to hit me, I said: What does she look like, was she young? I sputtered, bungling as usual. That was a mistake, but too late. She burst into tears, just as an auto driver stopped. Chikpet, I said, and there, wait. He refused and drove off. Words like Chikpet have more power than hand to hand combat.

We ducked into my cafe, and I felt compelled to buy her a cappuccino, known to instantly stop all sobbing. It's the therapeutic effect of caffeine. For the first few years he said my cooking was not a patch on his mama's food. That's very normal, I thought. Then the next few years he claimed my food was nowhere close to his secretary's cooking. Was that normal, I wondered, making a mental note to check with my wife who is quite astute in such matters. This went on, and finally he left me for his secretary, a gourmet cook. That's common, I thought, so it must be normal. What's her name, I bungled again. Maybe I knew this gourmet cook? She slammed down the cup, ignored the flying pieces of gourmet, she said his name is Saajoo, did I know him? Somehow, I managed not choking into my caramel almond flavoured cappuccino. Uncommon, but normal these days of liberalisation, I thought. Or was it liberation?

There are three messages here. Make sure you cook well, make sure you interview and recruit your husband's secretary, and at the risk of being discriminatory - do not hire young Saajoos.

There is a deeper message too: bond well with your husband. There are two proven effective ways to bond well with him. One effective way is to make him think of you all the time. Here's how. I might add that in decades of advice to women, Femina has thought of not this. Invest in a not-too expensive perfume. If you insist on Channel number 9, go ahead, it's your money. You will need a lot of perfume. Wear this per fume every day, every night for at least a month so your husband cannot think of you without that special scent. When you are ready, start spraying the back of his collar with the same perfume.

Soon he'll be Imagining your presence every minute of the day. No, it's not as scary as you think. It's proven effective.

Then start spraying the perfume into his pillow, his shampoo, his shaving cream, his pyjamas. Both top and bottom, you never know what he'll put on first. He will never forget you. The second proven effective way is to cook with him. Initiate him into the finer points of culinary delights. Cooking something together will bond you two forever. No power or secretary on earth, or mars, can interfere. And there is no better recipe than marinated mushrooms. You don't have to steam, bake or fry. Simply mix everything with your hands touching his. To him, say it's simple assembly. Like a nut and bolt, get to his level, if necessary.

The down-to-earth marinated mushrooms should keep well for many days. But please check they have not turned mushy, before you serve them. Pickling has its time limitations Incidentally, you can also marinate artichokes sliced zucchini, sliced mini brinjals and pear onions. The Italians call the mushroom delicacy Antipasto di Funghi Crudi, should you have this desire to impress your guests in a language being taught in the Congress party.

 Buono Appettito!

MARINATED MUSHROOMS

aka Antipasto di Funghi Crud

For about 8-10 servings,

500 gms mushrooms, cleaned, stems removed

1/5 cup lime juice (say, 50 ml)

1/2 cup olive oil

2-3 spring onions, thinly sliced

1/4 cup parsley snips (no thick stems)

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon crushed flakes of a medium hot red dry chilly

Cut mushrooms into thick slices, or quarters without stems, placing in a large bowl with the lime juice. Stir in oil and everything else, mixing until all the mushroom pieces are well covered. Cover and refrigerate for at least four hours, stirring every half hour. Ideal recipe for commercial breaks.

Before serving, drain the excess oil and lime liquid by using a slotted spoon. Sprinkle with a little crushed pepper flakes (no seeds) and parsley.

Enjoy with bread sticks.

(Raj Madnani is a food lover who owns a nouvelle restaurant in the city)